My Rock and Roll Uncle...

[Today marks the one year anniversary of my uncles passing. Jewish tradition of remembrance, yahrzeit¹, is to light a candle the night before the anniversary. It’s a special candle that will burn for 24 hours.

What follows is my contribution to his memorial service that took place in Indianapolis]

My Rock and Roll Uncle Steve.

My Uncle and I were only 10 years apart. My mother was the first born and Steve was the baby. Having a young uncle was cool. And Steve was very cool.

I spent a lot of time with him when I was very young. The winter that I was 4 turning 5 and Steve was 14 going on 15, I lived at my grandparent’s house while my mother was studying cooking in Italy. I slept in Steve’s room.

At night, I’d go to bed in my grandparents room and then when Steve went to sleep I was moved into his room. I have memories of being half asleep and half dreaming... You know when you can hear sound from the room, but they take on a surreal-ness... A state that comes really easily to a 5 year old, and many of us as adults seek to return to with the aid of alternative.....influences... The sound track to my 5 year old dreams, was 1969 rock and roll coming from the bathroom while Steve was getting ready for high school.

About 10 years ago, when we were out for dinner, Steve told me that having a 5 year old sleeping in his room... Well... He wasn’t too thrilled about it. He confessed to me that he used to fart on my head while I was sleeping.

Which I found hilarious. I got it. I didn’t blame him. If I was 15, I wouldn’t want a 5 year old sleeping in my room... But Steve was cool. He never let on to me when I was there that he had any antipathy. 

I have fond and dear memories... Of him coming into my grandparents room while I was drifting off to sleep and interviewing me with his tape recorder....That winter he taught me how to tie my shoes. 

And I have a really strong memory of when we were in Italy, visiting my mom. We shared a hotel room. One of the nights, while lying in our beds, he told me all about Outer Space and the Cosmos. Again, that 5 year old imagination fired up to the point where in the darkened room the ceiling opened up and I was “seeing” all the things he was telling me about....

Steve was a good family person. He was a loving son to Irene and Dave and a loving brother to Diane and Teri.... My mom, my aunt and uncle Steve all had.. complicated relationships with their father. They each navigated through as they could. For Steve, he had a big heart, when Dave fell ill, towards the end, Steve was there for him and helped him negotiate those times. Steve had a big heart. He took care of people. He helped me a lot.

When I was 18 he contributed towards getting me my first car... a little red Ford Fiesta. And when two years later that little car gave it’s life up protecting me and my passengers on highway 14 as we were heading to a Prince Concert (circa Purple Rain) Uncle Steve helped me replace it.

Uncle Steve gave me my first job out of High School. Pine Knob Music Theater, where I worked in back stage catering. Now, being the son of an Italian trained cook, I did have some skills in the kitchen that justified the nepotism. 

For three summers I worked at Pine Knob and was able to see Uncle Steve in the place he loved to be. At the helm of a theater, putting on shows. And it gave me the opportunity to see him shine. He was a good boss. He had the ability to run a tight ship without being a dick.

Far from it. He was cool and fun. His upbeat energy, his hard working attitude exuded the “Play Hard, Work Hard” ethos that’s at the core of the entertainment business. He showed that it’s possible to get the job done and have fun doing it.

A few years after his move to Indie, we were talking about the changes in the music business. How it wasn’t what it had been in the 70s. Gone were the days of the Bill Graham styled promoters... beloved theaters got there names sold... Uncle Steve told me that as the business was getting more complicated then just “putting on a show,” some of the fun had faded. What fired him up still about going to work, was the ability for him to interact with the young 20 somethings who made up his management team. His lieutenants. Being a mentor for them was very important to him. Again Steve had a big heart.

Uncle Steve was very dedicated to his job. It was very heartening to know that his company stood by him as he fought his battle. They stepped up for him, like he stepped up for the company. I’d like to acknowledge and give thanks for that.

Uncle Steve had a big heart. People with big hearts not only give love, They attract it. They say the magic number is three. 

His first love, Julie. They were the rock and roll couple of Detroit. Alas they were too young to sustain their relationship amidst the high energy, work-hard play-hard life their careers surround them in.... But all things happen for a reason, and out of the ashes of that first love came forth another love in a daughter. Tyler who Steve adored... And then there’s the magic of threes. Steve’s Big Big Love.... Tracy. 

Theater life makes for very long days, but rather than sit at home, Tracy brought “home” to the theater and a Garden. That Tracy is a Master Gardner is only fitting as she is a force of loving nature who had Steve’s back. He loved her for it. He told us so multiple times. 

I’m grateful for Tracy as I believe that, through her “force of loving nature” she helped Steve put up a courageous battle against unbelievable odds and that succeeded in giving Steve a lot more time than many would have thought given the gravity of his illness. I’m particularly grateful as that gave us time to bring our family together and share some more moments like a 40th birthday bash, and even more so, an opportunity to reconnect with my cousin.

Moments like this bring us to the big questions... For me... I don’t know... Something’s out there as too often strange things are afoot at the CircleK. I guess if I have to nail it down, I’d say I believe in The Force. It’s simple, it’s energy.... And after all, we ARE literally made of Stardust.

My mom called me that morning after Steve died. She told me that she had just been having a very restless night and had a dream where she was sitting with Irene, their mom, and Steve was walking down a hall, looking as he did when he was in his twenties, and he was smiling and waving at them... Moments later she would be woken up by the call from Tracy.

I can’t help but get the image in my head, similar to that of ObiWan Kenobi at the end of Star Wars - Smiling and Waving. 

While we lost our beloved husband, brother, uncle, friend, The force grew stronger that day...

^{Steven Finkel February 1, 1955 - January 5, 2010}

^{1 OK the real tradition is to celebrate the Yahrzeit based on the Jewish Calendar. The Jewish Calendar is a lunar calendar and that’s why it drifts around the Civil Calendar. January 5, 2010 was the 19th of Tevet, 5770. The 19th of Tevet, 5771 was December 26, 2010. As I live in the civil calendar (as did my Uncle), I chose to remember today. [back]}